Say Yes And!

I have a confession: I skipped going to the gym yesterday. Shame, shame, shame…

My friend once told me, “You never regret going to the gym.” I have say, he was right.

I am definitely not one of those “addicted to the gym” people. To me the gym is quite often a necessary evil like immunization shots or Burger King Ads. Some days I have a Lincoln-Douglass-esque debate going on in my head as to whether I should make it to the gym as I planned. I know I should, but then I feel tired, or sore, or busy, or just incredibly lame. And the debate in my head goes on and on…

But my friend’s advice has always been true. When the “forces of good” in my brain win out and I go to the gym, I am always happy I did and never regret it. Even if the workout is terrible, I am hapy I tried. Even the one time I hurt my back squatting, I didn’t regret the fact that I had gone. I did regret the fact that clearly something was off with my form and I hurt myself, but I didn’t regret making the trip.

On the other hand, most of times when the “forced of evil” win out and I skip out on going to the gym I feel lazy, fat, undisciplined, guilty, and very annoyed at myself. Not a good way to feel. And, because emotions are unfortunately work on momentum, those feelings carry over and make the next workout harder, which makes me guiltier, which makes the next workout harder, and so on and so on.

Then I started thinking about other things in my life that are the same way. I have recently gotten back into creative writing. Writing a novel has been a goal of mine since I was in third grade. I guess 28 years is long enough time to let the idea marinade! So one of my daily action items is to write. Regreattably, there is a similar “good vs. evil” battle going on in my head for this too. Just like working out, I never regret writing, but I almost always regret not doing it.

It’s a weird thing, but we all occasionally succumb: not doing things we know we will be happy we did and know that we will regret not doing. We all have that battle of “good vs. evil” in our heads. As good as we know we feel by taking action, there’s that insidious little voice that tells us, “no, dont. It’s hard. You don’t need to. There’s always tomorrow.”

How about you? What do you never regret doing that you never do?

Step #2 in the step-by-step process to improvising with anything is to say “yes, and” instead of “yes, but.” This is the perfect place to implement that! The next time the battle of good vs. evil rages in your head, simply ask yourself, “will I regret doing this? Will I regret not doing it?” Then kick yourself in the butt, say, “yes, and,” and do it!

Here’s an unfortunate truth you need to face: Your brilliant plan will fall apart at some point.

You may think you have every angle covered, but you will have missed something. Or something will happen that no one could ever could have anticipated. Or someone else will do something incredibly stupid that will throw you for a loop.

Don’t despair. The answer is not to get stuck “over-planning,” but rather to teach yourself to be more “Improviseable!”

(Side note: My friend and fellow speaker Scott Ginsberg recently released a new book titled, “-able: 35 Strategies for Increasing the Probability of Success in Business and Life.”

The purpose of Scott’s book is to sell you on his theory of the universe: “The only thing in life you have control over is yourself.
And that you can’t make anything happen – but you can (greatly) increase the probability of that thing happening … by making yourself more “-able.””

(For more on Scott, you should check out his awesome blog)

If you’ve seen me speak or read my stuff, you know this is similar to my theory on how to improvise with the unexpected.

Scott’s book lists 35 different “-ables” that increase your probability of success in business and life. One that I would add to the list is “Improviseable.”)

Improviseable: The ability to improvise and flow with the unexpected.

If nothing ever goes wrong for you, if no one ever throws an unexpected monkey wrench in your works, and if Murphy never applies his annoying little law to your best laid plans, then you don’t need to be Improviseable. For the rest of us down here on planet reality, we know that sometimes we’re going to have to improvise…

Anyone can do well when everything goes right. Think back to the dot-com “investors” who were running around giving financial advice even though the only reason they were making money is that everything was going great. Until things stopped going great and they lost their shirts. Or the real estate investors who fancied themselves as brilliant land barons because they happened to buy real estate when the market was exploding. Then, when the market turned, they too lost their shirts (and their houses).

It’s easy to succeed when everything goes right! The problem is that over the long term, things will never go exactly as planned. People who improvise and stay on track when these setbacks occur enjoy long term success. People who don’t tend to struggle, stress out, and fall by the wayside.

How Improviseable are you? Are you able to quickly flow with the unexpected and continue on the path to success, or do you freak out, complain, and get frozen when thing don’t go as planned?

Regardless of your current skill level, here are three steps you can take to be even more Improvise-ABLE:

Remember the Big Picture

When the unexpected occurs, the first thing great improvisers do is to think about the big picture. “What am I trying to achieve? Where am I trying to get to? Is this still a valid goal?” By first analyzing the big picture, they can quickly identify and take the best actions to get back on track.

Too often people respond to the unexpected by simply working their existing plan harder. That’s a bad strategy because the unexpected event may very well have changed the game; your old plan may be irrelevant now.

When the unexpected occurs, take a moment, step back, and think about the big picture. Decide where you want to go, whether it’s the same as before or a completely new direction, and then choose actions that align with that big picture.

Focus Only on What You Can Control

Great improvisers realize that they can only control one thing: their own actions. Knowing this, they do an excellent job of letting go of everything else.

The people who struggle and get paralyzed when the unexpected occurs are the ones who put their focus on everything outside of their control:

• They whine about the past.
• They stress about the future.
• They get obsessed with what others will do or think.

All of that is irrelevant when it comes to being Improviseable. Sure, at some point you should study the past, plan for the future, and prepare for what others might do. But when it comes to improvising, to taking action right now in this moment, all you can control is your own response.

To be Improviseable, let go of everything you can’t control and focus exclusively on the things you can.

Say “Yes And” and Do Something

Bad improvisers are excellent at saying, “yes, but.” “Yes, but this wasn’t supposed to happen!” “Yes, but I don’t like this!” “Yes, but if they had just listened to me we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

Saying, “yes, but” accomplishes nothing (other then letting you complain while keeping you stuck right where you are).

Great improvisers say, “yes, and.” As in, “Yes this happened, And here’s what I will do.” Then they do it.

It doesn’t sound like much, but this one skill, the ability to accept what is and then take action to deal with it, is what separates winners from losers (or, as I like to say, winners from whiners).

Take a few days and pay attention to how often you hear people (including yourself!) say, “yes, but.” Every time you catch yourself saying “yes, but,” try and see if you can switch to a “yes, and” response.

Once you make that a habit you will be well on your way to being more Improviseable.

Remember: Being Improviseable doesn’t mean that you don’t plan. Planning is a good thing, and you should continue to do it. Just realize that no matter how well you plan, things can and will go wrong. Your overall success in life will be determined not just by how well you plan, but also by how well you improvise with the unexpected.

If you want to stay on track no matter what happens, start applying these three steps immediately. Once you do, you will truly be: “IMPROVISEABLE!”

Since Scott’s book inspired this post, let me end this post the same way he ends all of his posts:

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How Improvise-ABLE are you?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
For the e-booklet called, “124 Tips to Unleash Your Creativity (in Business and Life)!”, send an email to me (avish@avishparashar.com, and you win the booklet for free!

***
Learn the 16 simple but powerful principles that will lead to personal and professional success! In this 200 page book, Avish explains how the ideas from improv comedy can make your life easier and more successful. Check it out Improvise to Success! now!
 

If I were to say to you, “the idea from improv comedy can save a marriage,” you would probably tell me I was nuts and that improv isn’t all that powerful. Well, it turns out that it hust might be…

A couple of years back I went around recording some interviews for a product launch I was preparing for. That launch never happened, and then I forgot about the footage (hey, Ding Happens!). I recently came across it and thought, “wow, this would be really interesting for my readers!”

In this video, I interview Jennifer Phillips, small business owner, graphic designer, and film maker extraordinaire about how she sees ideas from improv comedy applying to everything she does. There is some great advice in here about sales, service, branding, and quick thinking.

The most interesting bit, to me, is at about the 4:30 mark we talk about a story Jenn told me about one of her friends who used the improv comedy principle of saying “Yes, And” instead of “yes, but,” to literally save her marriage! In all my years of doing this I’ve come across some cool stuff and done some things I am proud of, but this may very well be the coolest…

The whole video is worth watching, but definitely check out the bit at 4:30 about the marriage!

If one couple can use improv comedy ad “Yes, And” to save their marriage, how do you think you can use the same to improve your life? Try adding a little “Yes, And” to your relationships, business, and life, and see what happens – you may be shocked!

I’m not a relationship therapist (not yet, at least…), but I do know business and communication. If you would like your team or organization to learn how to think quick, respond to clients, and say, “yes, and” in a way that moves them and your business forward, then check out my Motivational Humorist Speaking Page or Improv Comedy Training Workshop Page now!

If you would like to work one on one with me to help access your creativity and generate actions, strategies, and solutions for your business and life, then check out my Smart A.S.S. Ideas Page now!

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Motivational Humorist page now!
 

Have you ever had an idea to do something, to take some action, to jump on an opportunity, only to find yourself hesitating, not stepping up, and watching the opportunity pass you by? We all do it, and it’s one of the primary ways we cheat ourselves out of getting the things we really want.

The problem happens when we wait more than 5 seconds to take action …

I recently watched a TED talk with Mel Robbins. Mel is a radio personality, columnist for Success Magazine, and star of the A&E TV show, “The In-Laws.” Her 21 minute talk is about how people more or less get in their own ways when it comes to figuring out and getting what they really want. You can watch her speech here:

I enjoyed her talk, so I went out and got her book, “Stop Saying You’re Fine.”

There were several good ideas in both her talk and her book. The one I want to focus on now is the “5 second rule.” She talks about it at the end of her Ted Talk (at abut the 17:45 mark), and also mentions it in her book.

From her book (page 30):

When I first heard this idea, I instantly thought of it in terms of saying “Yes, And,” vs. saying, “yes, but.”

The longer you wait to say, “Yes, And!” the more time you give for your thoughts and feelings to convince you to say, “yes, but” instead. 

After even just a few seconds, your drive and impulse to say, “Yes, And!” will be gone and you’ll be left with the far more disempowering, “yes, but.”

Let’s take a page from Mel Robbins’ book and create a five-second “Yes, And!” rule. When you are faced with an idea, opportunity, offer, or question, regardless of whether it comes from someone else or from inside you, say, “Yes, And!” within five seconds and then take a small action on it, before you mind has a chance to start in with the “yes, buts.”

If it helps, imagine an ominous voice saying, “In five seconds, this opportunity will self-destruct.” Then picture a timer counting down those five critical seconds. Take action before the counter reaches zero!

Will it be difficult? Probably.

Will it make a huge difference in your results? Almost definitely.

As Mel says in her book, “To grow, you have to do the stuff that feels hard right now, not later.”

Saying “Yes, And!” is hard but it’s how you grow, and it’s how you get what you want. Give it a try and see what happens…

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Interested in learning more about the idea of saying, “Yes, And!” instead of “yes, but”? Then be sure to check out my new book, Say “Yes, And!” coming out this January! You can read more about it here: New Book: Say “Yes, And!”

 

Are you a “yes” person, or a “no” person? Or, in improv parlance, are you a “yes, and” person or a “yes, but” person? That little switch from “no” to “yes” can make a huge difference. I was reminded of this while watching, of all things, a Jim Carrey movie.

(Spoiler Alert! I do give away plot points from the movie “Yes Man” below. Consider your self warned)

I recently watched “Yes Man,” a fairly “average to bad” comedy starring Jim Carrey. Not a great movie at all, especially when you go in hoping for something along the lines of “Liar Liar.”

However, I felt compelled to watch this movie. In it, Jim Carrey plays a character named Carl Allen who always says no to everything that comes into his life. He attends a “motivational seminar,” where guru teaches the power of saying “yes,” to everything. (On a side note, I am looking forward to the day that Hollywood actually creates a movie with a semi-normal – or at least realistic – portrayal of a motivational speaker. We’re not all freaks and cultists, you know…) By simply saying “yes” to everything, (supposed) hilarious hi-jinx ensue and he is taken on a transformative journey where he advances his career, gets the girl, and becomes a better person.

Since one of the most powerful points in my presentations is the importance of saying “yes, and,” instead of “yes, but,” I knew I had to see this movie no matter how bad it might be.

Though the movie was only ok, it did get me thinking about the power of saying yes. “Yes Man” certainly takes saying “yes” to an extreme and it also exaggerates some of the ups and downs that go along with it, but I still think there are a few things we can take away from it.

(Bet you never thought you would be learning life lessons from a Jim Carrey movie, did you? Unless of course that movie was Doing Time on Maple Drive, where you learned all sorts of lessons about dysfunctional families, homosexuality, and alcoholism.)

Here are four things you can learn about the power of saying saying yes (without having to actually go watch “Yes Man”):

You Should Say “Yes” To Trying New Things

The first thing Carl does after leaving the seminar is to say “yes” to a homeless man who asks for a ride. He also says yes to letting the homeless guy use up all of his cell phone minutes, and then drops the guy off in the middle of nowhere (but not until he has given him all of his cash and run out of gas). Of course, this being a movie and all, Carl walks to a gas station where he meets Allison (played by Zooey Deschanel). He gets a ride from her back to his car, where, for some inexplicable reason, she kisses him and drives off (why is it only in the movies that when your car breaks down you are helped out by an attractive, cool, single member of the opposite sex? My car overheated a few months ago. You know who helped me out? Some middle aged overweight dude. And he wasn’t all that attractive. And he was probably married.)

In any case, Carl later on says “yes” to go see a live band at a club even though he doesn’t want to. When he gets there, guess who happens to be the lead singer of the band? You got it: Allison. (Hollywood strikes again!)

So you see, simply by saying “yes,” Carl meets, then re-meets, the woman who goes on to become the love of his life.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: Saying “yes” to everything is stupid. Let me let you in on a little tip: if you see me speak and here me talk about saying “yes, and” and immediately afterward some sketchy homeless guy asks for a lift, asks to use your cell phone, and asks for all your cash, you don’t have to say, “yes!” In the movie things work out ok. In real life, not so much.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson here is that it is good to say “yes” to new and interesting things, because you never know what will happen. Quite often, the benefit you will get will have nothing to do with what you originally said “yes” to in the first place.

For example, a few years ago I decided to field a team for the 48 Hour Film Project. I called my friend Mike (of Game Music, Inc., who I have written about before) and said, “you want to do this with me.” He was in North Carolina at the time and would have make the weekend trip to fly up it, but he immediately said, “yes!” The weekend of the project came, it was a great experience, and everyone, including Mike, had a great time. But the real interesting bit about this story is that it was that very weekend that Mike met Sarah, one of the actresses in our short film. The two went on to date, got in a relationship, and now are happily married with a young daughter. He said, “yes” to making the movie; the real benefit he got had nothing to do with that.

You Should Say “Yes” To Being With Friends

In the movie, Carl’s friends discover his plan of saying “yes” to everything so they keep making him do shots, and have him buy shots, and force him to go out when he shouldn’t (’cause he has to say “yes”…).

Why this point is stupid in the movie: First off, friends that screw with you to that extent and take advantage of you aren’t friends. You should dump ’em like a bad habit. And saying “yes” to drinking to the point where you get into fights is just dumb. And dangerous. Oh, and did I mention it’s dumb?

What you can still take away from this: Life is short. I know things get busy, and work and obligations call, but friendships and relationships are one of the things that make life worth living. It’s easy to lose touch with friends, or to say, “no” when they want to meet up or go out because you’re tired and would rather stay at home and watch reruns of Law and Order. But years down the road, are you more likely to regret saying “yes” and seeing your friends or saying “no” and staying in to rest?

You Should Say “Yes” To Opportunities

Carl works as a loan officer. When he switches to saying “yes” to everything, he starts saying “yes” and approving every loan that comes in. He approves loans for ridiculous things and to people who have bad credit, but Hollywood being what it is, some of those crazy loans pay off, and every single person pays their loans back on time. He is lauded for his initiative in creating “micro-loans,” and he receives a promotion.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: High risk loans to people with bad credit and stupid business ideas being brilliant? Riiiiight. If this was the real world, you know Carl would have been fired as many of those loans would have defaulted. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean eliminating critical thinking.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson you can take away is that it can pay to get off auto-pilot and look for opportunities in everything that is presented to you. In the flick, Carl got lucky; the loans just happened to work. However, if he had thought about it in advance and came up with the strategy if lending micro-loans, then that may have been brilliant.

Always be aware of risk in the opportunities you are looking at, but don’t be dictated by fear. Taking a few well thought out chances can make all the difference.

You Should Say “Yes” To Learning

As he proceeds on his journey, Carl says yes to every class and learning opportunity that comes along. He learns Korean, learns to play the guitar, and learns to fly (a plane, not on his own). As you might expect, he finds a need for each of these skills later on in the movie.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: I’m not sure what the exact time frame of this movie is, but he pretty much becomes amazing at everything he does. He plays the guitar well, becomes a full plot able to fly on his own, and (most amazingly) becomes fluent in Korean – all at the same time! Also all while he has his job, is dating, and saying “yes” to everything else that comes along. Learning doesn’t happen that fast, especially when that unfocused.

In that time frame Carl also has occasions to use his Korean speaking skills to get good service at a store and then uses his guitar skills to talk a suicidal Luis Guizman off a ledge! Most of us won’t have such dramatic need for our skills. I have trained in the martial arts for over 20 years. Guess how many times I have had to use it? That’s right: zero.

What you can still take away from this: Keep learning. Learning is awesome. It keeps the mind young, keeps us engaged in life, and helps us grow as people. Even if you never have occasion use your skills, learning for learning’s sake is a very good thing. Just don’t overextend yourself and try to master 20 things at once. Pick one thing you have always wanted to learn and go out and learn it. You will not be disappointed.

The Big Takeaway

The big lesson you can learn from “Yes Man” is simple: say “yes” to more stuff. Not to everything, just to more than you are currently doing now.

The easiest way to do this is to switch your “internal default” from “no” to “yes.” So many of us, when faced with anything new or different, immediately think “no” and then need to be talked into switching to “yes.” Do a trial where you reverse that. Every time you are faced with a new opportunity, immediately think “yes,” and then ask yourself “why not?” If you can think of a good reason why not to, then don’t do it. Otherwise, say, “yes,” jump in, and have fun – you might be surprised where it takes you!

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Are you planning an event and looking for a great speaker to add humor and energy? Then visit Avish’s Conference Speaker page now!
 

(Note: this post first appeared on Avish’s humorous personal development blog)
Grodining
Definition: To flat out deny someone by saying “no,” offering little or no explanation or alternative
Etymology: I don’t know what etymology exactly means, only that it has nothing to do with bugs. So I will say that this term comes from a bit part by Charles Grodin in the Mike Meyers movie, “So I Married and Axe Murderer” (an underpreciated and quite funny movie, by the way) You can see the clip below.

Origin: Years ago, me and my crazy improv friends were watching “So I Married an Axe Murderer.” This scene struck a chord with us because a) it’s funny as all get out and b) it exemplifies a key improv rule.

That rule (and step number 3 in the step-by-step process to improvising with anything) is to say “yes, and,” instead of “yes, but.” Basically, say “yes,” not “no.”

In this scene, Grodin is laying some serious “yes, but” smack down. Funny for us because it’s in a scripted comedy, but an awful way to improvise and a terrible way to communicate with the people around you.

In improv comedy, saying “yes, but” is referred to as “blocking.” After we saw this scene, we started referring to blocking as “Grodining.” Now you can too!

You can surely relate to being Grodined. And you know it feels awful and gets you pissed, so you know it’s a bad thing to do. The thing is, are you sure that you yourself don’t Grodin others? Pay attention and notice if and when you do.

What’s the alternative to Grodining? Good question, and one I get a lot when talking about the concept of “yes, and.” The alternative to Grodining is not to say “yes” to everything, because sometimes you really don’t agree or it’s just not practical. There are three ways to stay out of the “Grodin Zone.” Here they are, from most to least effective:

1) Say “Yes” or “Yes, and”
Simple enough. Sometimes you Grodin because you are afraid, or uncertain, or just feeling negative. In these cases suck it up, say “yes,” and reap the rewards.

2) Be creative, and find a third alternative
Someone wants you to say “yes.” You want to say “no.” Who says there are only two answers? For some reason we humans are binary creatures. We like things as black or white, yes or no, on or off. Use a little creativity and find a solution that makes both people happy. With practice, it’s not that hard.

3) Offer an alternative
Sometimes you have to say “no.” Maybe you really don’t like the idea, or maybe it’s just crazy or impractical. The way to avoid deflating someone’s spirit with a hardcore Grodin here is to offer an alternative with your “no.” “Hey, can we go see the new Star Trek movie tonight?” Instead of, “no,” try, “no, but we cen go see it two days from now.” Simple but powerful.

Astute readers will have notices that this started with a “no, but.” “No, but” is similar to “yes, and.”

IMPORTANT NOTE #1: “No, but” does not equal “yes, and!” “Yes, and” is much, much more powerful in every way. Saying no is your last resort. When you do have to say no, make it a “no but.”

IMPORTANT NOTE #2 This is for you improv comedians who will misinterpret this. Don’t use “no, but” as an improviser. That’s bad improv!

From now on, pay attention to when you catch yourself Grodining. When you do, try saying “yes” instead, or offer an alternative, or, when you must, at least say, “no, but.” The people around you will appreciate it.

And you just may he helping stop an Axe Murderer.

Grodin in So I Married An Axe Murderer:

Bonus!
To see some true comedy, you must watch Charles Grodin hit on Miss Piggy from the Great Muppet Caper. Too good!