The Power of “Yes”

Are you a “yes” person, or a “no” person? Or, in improv parlance, are you a “yes, and” person or a “yes, but” person? That little switch from “no” to “yes” can make a huge difference. I was reminded of this while watching, of all things, a Jim Carrey movie.

(Spoiler Alert! I do give away plot points from the movie “Yes Man” below. Consider your self warned)

I recently watched “Yes Man,” a fairly “average to bad” comedy starring Jim Carrey. Not a great movie at all, especially when you go in hoping for something along the lines of “Liar Liar.”

However, I felt compelled to watch this movie. In it, Jim Carrey plays a character named Carl Allen who always says no to everything that comes into his life. He attends a “motivational seminar,” where guru teaches the power of saying “yes,” to everything. (On a side note, I am looking forward to the day that Hollywood actually creates a movie with a semi-normal – or at least realistic – portrayal of a motivational speaker. We’re not all freaks and cultists, you know…) By simply saying “yes” to everything, (supposed) hilarious hi-jinx ensue and he is taken on a transformative journey where he advances his career, gets the girl, and becomes a better person.

Since one of the most powerful points in my presentations is the importance of saying “yes, and,” instead of “yes, but,” I knew I had to see this movie no matter how bad it might be.

Though the movie was only ok, it did get me thinking about the power of saying yes. “Yes Man” certainly takes saying “yes” to an extreme and it also exaggerates some of the ups and downs that go along with it, but I still think there are a few things we can take away from it.

(Bet you never thought you would be learning life lessons from a Jim Carrey movie, did you? Unless of course that movie was Doing Time on Maple Drive, where you learned all sorts of lessons about dysfunctional families, homosexuality, and alcoholism.)

Here are four things you can learn about the power of saying saying yes (without having to actually go watch “Yes Man”):

You Should Say “Yes” To Trying New Things

The first thing Carl does after leaving the seminar is to say “yes” to a homeless man who asks for a ride. He also says yes to letting the homeless guy use up all of his cell phone minutes, and then drops the guy off in the middle of nowhere (but not until he has given him all of his cash and run out of gas). Of course, this being a movie and all, Carl walks to a gas station where he meets Allison (played by Zooey Deschanel). He gets a ride from her back to his car, where, for some inexplicable reason, she kisses him and drives off (why is it only in the movies that when your car breaks down you are helped out by an attractive, cool, single member of the opposite sex? My car overheated a few months ago. You know who helped me out? Some middle aged overweight dude. And he wasn’t all that attractive. And he was probably married.)

In any case, Carl later on says “yes” to go see a live band at a club even though he doesn’t want to. When he gets there, guess who happens to be the lead singer of the band? You got it: Allison. (Hollywood strikes again!)

So you see, simply by saying “yes,” Carl meets, then re-meets, the woman who goes on to become the love of his life.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: Saying “yes” to everything is stupid. Let me let you in on a little tip: if you see me speak and here me talk about saying “yes, and” and immediately afterward some sketchy homeless guy asks for a lift, asks to use your cell phone, and asks for all your cash, you don’t have to say, “yes!” In the movie things work out ok. In real life, not so much.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson here is that it is good to say “yes” to new and interesting things, because you never know what will happen. Quite often, the benefit you will get will have nothing to do with what you originally said “yes” to in the first place.

For example, a few years ago I decided to field a team for the 48 Hour Film Project. I called my friend Mike (of Game Music, Inc., who I have written about before) and said, “you want to do this with me.” He was in North Carolina at the time and would have make the weekend trip to fly up it, but he immediately said, “yes!” The weekend of the project came, it was a great experience, and everyone, including Mike, had a great time. But the real interesting bit about this story is that it was that very weekend that Mike met Sarah, one of the actresses in our short film. The two went on to date, got in a relationship, and now are happily married with a young daughter. He said, “yes” to making the movie; the real benefit he got had nothing to do with that.

You Should Say “Yes” To Being With Friends

In the movie, Carl’s friends discover his plan of saying “yes” to everything so they keep making him do shots, and have him buy shots, and force him to go out when he shouldn’t (’cause he has to say “yes”…).

Why this point is stupid in the movie: First off, friends that screw with you to that extent and take advantage of you aren’t friends. You should dump ’em like a bad habit. And saying “yes” to drinking to the point where you get into fights is just dumb. And dangerous. Oh, and did I mention it’s dumb?

What you can still take away from this: Life is short. I know things get busy, and work and obligations call, but friendships and relationships are one of the things that make life worth living. It’s easy to lose touch with friends, or to say, “no” when they want to meet up or go out because you’re tired and would rather stay at home and watch reruns of Law and Order. But years down the road, are you more likely to regret saying “yes” and seeing your friends or saying “no” and staying in to rest?

You Should Say “Yes” To Opportunities

Carl works as a loan officer. When he switches to saying “yes” to everything, he starts saying “yes” and approving every loan that comes in. He approves loans for ridiculous things and to people who have bad credit, but Hollywood being what it is, some of those crazy loans pay off, and every single person pays their loans back on time. He is lauded for his initiative in creating “micro-loans,” and he receives a promotion.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: High risk loans to people with bad credit and stupid business ideas being brilliant? Riiiiight. If this was the real world, you know Carl would have been fired as many of those loans would have defaulted. Saying “yes” doesn’t mean eliminating critical thinking.

What you can still take away from this: The lesson you can take away is that it can pay to get off auto-pilot and look for opportunities in everything that is presented to you. In the flick, Carl got lucky; the loans just happened to work. However, if he had thought about it in advance and came up with the strategy if lending micro-loans, then that may have been brilliant.

Always be aware of risk in the opportunities you are looking at, but don’t be dictated by fear. Taking a few well thought out chances can make all the difference.

You Should Say “Yes” To Learning

As he proceeds on his journey, Carl says yes to every class and learning opportunity that comes along. He learns Korean, learns to play the guitar, and learns to fly (a plane, not on his own). As you might expect, he finds a need for each of these skills later on in the movie.

Why this point is stupid in the movie: I’m not sure what the exact time frame of this movie is, but he pretty much becomes amazing at everything he does. He plays the guitar well, becomes a full plot able to fly on his own, and (most amazingly) becomes fluent in Korean – all at the same time! Also all while he has his job, is dating, and saying “yes” to everything else that comes along. Learning doesn’t happen that fast, especially when that unfocused.

In that time frame Carl also has occasions to use his Korean speaking skills to get good service at a store and then uses his guitar skills to talk a suicidal Luis Guizman off a ledge! Most of us won’t have such dramatic need for our skills. I have trained in the martial arts for over 20 years. Guess how many times I have had to use it? That’s right: zero.

What you can still take away from this: Keep learning. Learning is awesome. It keeps the mind young, keeps us engaged in life, and helps us grow as people. Even if you never have occasion use your skills, learning for learning’s sake is a very good thing. Just don’t overextend yourself and try to master 20 things at once. Pick one thing you have always wanted to learn and go out and learn it. You will not be disappointed.

The Big Takeaway

The big lesson you can learn from “Yes Man” is simple: say “yes” to more stuff. Not to everything, just to more than you are currently doing now.

The easiest way to do this is to switch your “internal default” from “no” to “yes.” So many of us, when faced with anything new or different, immediately think “no” and then need to be talked into switching to “yes.” Do a trial where you reverse that. Every time you are faced with a new opportunity, immediately think “yes,” and then ask yourself “why not?” If you can think of a good reason why not to, then don’t do it. Otherwise, say, “yes,” jump in, and have fun – you might be surprised where it takes you!

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